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    August 17, Thursday

    August 17, Thursday

    How did you fall in love with him? 
    I don't know, we were talking...

                                         August 17, Thursday

    0:34 AM - Hi, good morning from me, my love, I just got up now hope you are ok love tell me how are you doing hope you are doing well. How was your day? Hope you had a good day. OK? Good night sleep well 😘
                                      -Hello! I'm glad you're okay! How are you now? The time is 0:46. You need to sleep. I'm fine, I was bored without you.
    - I need to sleep, love. OK? Good night, love you too, baby.
       I was completely confused. What time is it, is it day, is it night, where is he, when does he sleep, did he drink vodka, a complete mess.
    And I haven't told him that I love him. I haven't mentioned anything about my feelings. I'm really confused.
                                       -Okay, good night and sweet dreams. I want to tell you something, but I'll do it another time.
    - Ok, good night, my love.
    But I didn't hold back. I wrote to him after half an hour. Ah, this rashness of mine, I always suffer from it. I let my emotions rule. I never learned to master them, to control them.
                                   1:30 AM - Thanks for the wishes. But I don't hold back. I hope I'm not spoiling your mood, I don't want to offend you, but I'll say what's on my heart. You and I have been texting for days. And you've been calling me "love" for two days. I have only one love. Death do us part. But as long as I breathe, I'll be his alone. Please don't call me that again. Calm night!
         Daniel is on my mind again. Again I make a comparison with Daniel, as every time before.
    And from here on everything went in the opposite direction. By morning I wrote five messages which I deleted. I deleted them but only for me, only in my chat they are gone. He must have read them. I don't remember what I wrote to him. But it is certain that he did not like what was written because his behavior changed.
       After these five, now deleted, messages, I wrote three more by the evening. I wanted to blur the situation. But I didn't quite succeed.
                                    - Very sorry. In an outburst of emotions I wrote you many things. But I was afraid that I would disappoint you and hurt you. So I deleted everything. So...Good day my friend! How did you sleep? Everything is fine with you, right?
            What a fool I am! How stupid I am! Tactless, and perhaps cruel. He calls me "my love" and "my dear" and I call him "friend". So he is silent, no reaction from his side.
                                   -Hello, Will you tell me what's going on? How are you? Do you have time to talk? Trust me, sometimes just a conversation is enough to warm a person's just have to ask for it.😢😢

          BLA bla. What am I begging him for? And men have ambition and pride. And they are sensitive. Why did I push him away so violently? What do I want from him? Maybe I don't know exactly what either.

                                   -Hello, you know, you were right. When you asked me why I didn't tell you I got a message. I got a message. Yesterday. In Facebook messenger. It read: "Good morning to the most beautiful girl I have ever seen." From the "A...c" fan page. Do you have anything to do with this Facebook page?

       Until now he had been silent, stubbornly, very stubbornly. It appeared after my third message, well after midnight.
    - No, no, but I try to tell you that I love you, but you don't believe me. You don't believe me.
       Now, from the position of time, I want to say to him: My dear, please remember from me. You should not give forgiveness for words spoken in a moment of anger. These words are always well thought out in a moment of calm.
      But I have no one to tell this to. He's not in. He's gone now. Indeed, beloved, I trusted you. I believed in you, but I didn't believe in the devil in you.
      Who am I writing to?
                                 - Hello, I will continue to write to you. You will continue to be silent and not notice me. That's how you'll hurt me and drive me away. And I'll think that's the reason. That I'm flooding you with messages. But I hope you will gather courage and tell me the reason why I should stop doing it. Until you tell me, I won't give up.
                                - Hello, what happened? Did I make you angry? Did I annoy you? Did I offend you? For writing you the truth? I wrote you some more truths. But after reading what was written, I was afraid that this is exactly what would happen. I deleted them hoping you wouldn't read them. Come on then. Let's start lying to each other. One another. The two of them. Together. Me and you. We might even feel better. Anyway, we've told each other a few lies so far. Shouldn't it turn out that one of us is a professional liar?
                               - I unsubscribed from all the groups and pages I followed. Only your fan page is left. If necessary, I will also uninstall Google Chat. Let each of us live in our own world. Will not you answer me? Ok, I agree, I've been taught to respect other people's decisions.

       And he was silent all this time. He must have been living, maybe he was suffering. Or was he planning something? And probably couldn't stand my annoying writings.
    - No, my dear. I was busy with my computer. But I told you, why didn't you believe me? It's okay, okay, what are you doing? I have ongoing work on the project.
         I really wanted to tell you, honey, that I want to be your computer. I want your eyes to be forever fixed on me, to constantly feel your hands on me. I want to be your computer.
                                  -What did you tell me? What? What didn't I believe? I wanted nothing more than to talk. I must be selfish. I just wish we could talk like strangers - virtual strangers. I feel good when I share with strangers. That doesn't mean I share with everyone I meet on the street.
     -I understand. What are you doing, honey?
                                   - What am I doing? It's raining heavily here. I went out into the yard and stood in the rain for five minutes. To clear my head. And to gather the courage to write to you. Well, I wish you fruitful work! But know that I still have a lot to tell you about myself. Please, when you can, spare some time for me to share it with you. That's all I need.
                                  - Okay, call me "love", call me what you want. The only thing I need is the little time you will spare to write to each other. For which I will be very grateful.
    - You know I love you, well, you're so sweet, I'll always be with you.

    That calmed me down a bit. Just a little. I managed to wait until the next day.



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