He comes home. Tired, stressed, silent. You, in your endless love and care, immediately sense that something is wrong. You sit down next to him and ask, “What’s wrong, love? Tell me.”
He sighs, “Problems at work.” And then you, a wonderful, capable, intelligent woman, do what you’re trained to do best. You start helping.
“Have you tried talking to the boss?”, “Why don’t you do something?”, “I have an idea…”. You give him solutions. You suggest strategies. You try to “fix” his problem.
And then it happens. He explodes. Or he closes himself even deeper into his ice cave. “Leave me alone!”, “You don’t understand!”, “I don’t need help!”.
And you're left there, alone, heartbroken and with one crushing question: "But I just wanted to help. Why was he angry?"
Today I'm going to reveal to you one of the deepest, most closely guarded secrets of the male soul. The truth that, once realized, will forever change the way you communicate with the man next to you.
He doesn't get angry at your help. He gets angry because your help, without you realizing it, sounds like a sentence to him. A sentence that he's incapable.
When a man is faced with a problem, his deepest, most primal need is to prove to himself (and to you) that he can handle it on his own. His value as a man is deeply tied to his ability to be a hero, to solve problems, to be a rock.
When you offer him solutions, he doesn't hear "I love you and I want to help you." He hears, "I don't trust you to handle it on your own." "You're weak and incapable." "I know better than you."
You, in your attempt to be his partner, are unknowingly taking on the role of his mother. And no man wants to sleep with his mother.
What does he really want at this moment?
He doesn't want your solutions. He wants something much harder and much more powerful. He wants your trust. He wants you to sit next to him, put your hand on his, look him in the eye, and tell him with all your feminine strength: "My love, I don't know what you're going through, but I do know one thing. You're the strongest man I know. And I know you'll find a solution. And I'm here, right here, right by your side."
That's it. That simple phrase doesn't give him a solution. It gives him something much more important. It gives him strength. It tells him, "I believe in you." And that's the only fuel he needs to move mountains for you.
Learning to stop being a "savior" and step into the power of your "Queen," who rules with trust, not control, is the deepest process of female transformation.
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